Citing a growing disconnect between himself and the sport he presides over, IAAF president Sebastian Coe announced on Monday that beginning in 2024 the Diamond League will only feature events that don’t bore him to death. The move is expected to eliminate a majority of field events and all distance races above 1,500m in an effort to condense the sport into a convenient 15 minute TV window that Coe can enjoy in the span of one cup of tea.

The news comes on the heels of the recent announcement that the IAAF is trimming the Diamond League slate from 32 disciplines to 24 starting in 2020. The 5,000m is the only known casualty so far for next year’s cuts, but according to Coe he’s only just getting started.

When reached for comment, Coe addressed the need for track to adhere to his schedule going forward.

“Look, I watch a lot of track and field. I mean a lot. If you’ve seen one field event you’ve seen them all,” the former middle distance runner said as he kicked back in his sprawling Monaco office.

“And don’t even get me started on the distance races. How many laps are in a 5K? Too many. I’ve got appearances to make, people to see. How can I be expected to wine and dine with potential world championships’ hosts if there’s a 22-minute 5k going on every week?”

When informed that world-class 5,000m races usually take 13 minutes for the men and 14:30 for the women, Coe shrugged and said, “Yeah, they don’t pay me to be the numbers guy. I’m here to make the sport more fun, and what I’ve found is that it’s more fun when there’s a whole lot less of it.”

An intrepid reporter from LetsJavelin.com then asked Coe if the sweeping field event cuts would include the javelin as well, to which Coe roared with laughter for a good five minutes.

“I think I speak for all of us here in Monaco when I say the javelin and pole vault are quite redundant,” said Coe as he stepped into his tinted limo. “They both have sticks, who can tell the difference?”

With that Coe’s limo sped away as the opening notes of Thin Lizzy’s “Boys Are Back In Town” blared from the speakers.