The Doha Diamond League was supposed to be today, kicking off the top professional track and field circuit in the world. Instead, we will simulate the results using past performances, speculation and other unscientific methods.

(tunes into the feed and hears that sweet, sweet Diamond League theme song). A stunner at the beginning--the CGI diamond floating above the track during the introduction has changed. Gone is the generic diamond that you had to collect during a video game from the 1990s and in its place is a sleeker, edgier design…..introducing THE WANDA DIAMOND. 

We also discover that this is actually the second day of the meet. For the first time in Doha Diamond League history, there was an additional day added so Qatari hero Mutaz Essa Barshim could have the stage all to himself in the high jump. 

The stage itself, wasn’t the track stadium. Instead, Doha followed the lead of many European meets and hosts the event in the city, the Katara Cultural Village to be exact. As expected, Barshim wins the competition to the delight of the crowd, many of whom now don’t have much interest in the meet the next day. 

More venue news…….the meet isn’t in Khalifa Stadium, the temperature-controlled venue that hosted last year’s World Championships. It’s back it’s the regular location at Qatar SC Stadium. This is surprising news to many athletes who signed up with the nostalgia for the 65-degree environment with zero wind. Lucky for them, spring in Qatar is actually quite pleasant and Friday’s meet is nowhere close to the BBQ on the sun from last “fall.” 

Let’s go to Friday’s action!

Men’s 800m: 

Bryce Hoppel begins his “40 races in 100 days” outdoor season in the men’s 800m. He’s the top American entrant after others opted not to make the long trip. The early season meet also meant no Nijel Amos or Amel Tuka. 

Emmanuel Korir, the world’s only 800m runner who is better in the 400m, is entered and gets some revenge for missing the final in 2019. Hoppel is close behind Korir, resetting his win streak that he started indoors, but still turning in a promising performance. 

Men’s 3000m Steeplechase:

In the race that is in a Diamond League, but not in the Diamond League, Ethiopia’s Lamecha Girma wins on Friday after his microscope loss to Conseslus Kipruto at the World Championships. The race gives plenty of opportunities for crowd shots of cheering Kenyans and Ethiopians (there are also lots of shots of empty seats, but we will choose to focus on the raucous sections). 

Women’s 3000m Steeplechase:

There’s also a women’s steeplechase! It also doesn’t count in the Diamond League, but the Doha fans love them some steeple so they are getting what they came for. The Americans haven’t debuted yet, so we don’t get to see Emma Coburn, Courtney Frerichs or Colleen Quigley. Instead, it’s a Beatrice Chepkoech procession. She goes out in 2:53 for the kilometer before slowing and finishing in 8:58. 

Men’s 1500m: 

Last year’s gold medalist Timothy Cheruiyot actually never left Doha after dominating at the World Championships in 2019. He lost no speed in the off-season and runs away with this one from 500 meters out and crosses the line in 3:29. Although nobody came close to Cheruiyot, there were fast times aplenty including Robby Andrews who gets the Olympic standard.   

Men’s 400m:

This one is missing most of the big names. Michael Norman opted for Mt. SAC (can’t blame a guy for going back to the place where he ran 43.45), Wayde Van Niekerk isn’t quite ready and Steven Gardiner and Fred Kerley also waited to make their Diamond League debuts. 

That leaves the race between Abdalelah Haroun of Qatar and Anthony Zambrano, the least known silver medalist from 2019. Zambrano shows that he belongs in the conversation with Norman et al. and runs 44.30. 

Women’s 200m:

This race is billed as deeper than the World Championships 200m final, which is exciting until you realize that race was missing so many big names. Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce, Shaunae Miller-Uibo, Elaine Thompson, Dafne Schippers, Blessing Okagbare and Marie-Josee Ta-Lou didn’t make it to the start line last October for a variety of races. 

The one superstar that did, Great Britain’s Dina Asher-Smith is back and she’s racing a fully health Thompson, Schippers and Okagbare. Thompson wins and we hope that we can preserve this field in a glass case and take it out again for a major championship.

Women’s 400m:

Naser returns to the scene of her greatest race. This time, she’s not lining up against Shaunae Miller-Uibo. Without company, Naser wins easily over Shericka Jackson, but doesn’t break 50 seconds. 

Women’s 3000m:

In what holds up as the fastest 3000m of the year (in this simulation I’ve completed all the other simulations as well), Hellen Obiri runs 8:25, a second ahead of Genzebe Dibaba. Sifan Hassan didn’t run the race so we are left to wonder what women’s distance races mean when they don’t have Sifan Hassan in them. 

Women’s 800m:

All the medalists are here from last year’s World Championships. Ajee Wilson gets out quickly and gains enough separation that Halimah Nakaayi and Winnie Nanyondo’s aggressive tactics don’t impact her. Raevyn Rogers gets up for second behind Wilson with a late rush. 

Field Events:

Ryan Crouser and Joe Kovacs meet again after their historic battle last year. This time, Crouser gets the victory and his cowboy hat gets tons of screen time. Anderson Peters takes the javelin. Malaika Mihambo wins the long jump and Sandi Morris prevails in the pole vault. 

Men’s 400m Hurdles:

It’s usually the first event, but they put it last because of the interest in Abderrahman Samba. He’s the only of the big three in attendance. Benjamin had his fill of Doha last fall and Warholm is still on a victory tour throughout Europe demoing new start/finish line poses for 2020. As expected, Samba wins in a ho-hum 48.02, crossing the line to a disproportionately large amount of fireworks.